Emotion
by thefantasmickah
Summary: It took one sentence during Burt and Carole's wedding for Santana to realize she wasn't after sex, she just wanted somebody to love her.


**Disclaimer:** This is a work of fiction. I make no claim that I own any of these characters or the Glee franchise.  
**A/N:** This is a response to the prompt on the **glee_angst_meme**. I hope you enjoy it! Thanks much to my wonderful beta **icerose92** for correcting my errors!

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There were many things that Santana Lopez did not understand. Many of those things were just what she chose not to ask about. Others, however, were what she quite honestly couldn't make sense of.

Situations like why no one did anything about the bullying that Karofsky was putting Kurt though. Anyone could see how the larger boy's influence was affecting Kurt, not that Santana cared for Kurt at all. She just noticed these things, and if Kurt was hurt and couldn't sing for Sectionals, or even worse, Regionals, then they would surely lose. And Santana Lopez is not a Lima Loser.

It was easy to see how her influence was slipping. The fear, which she had used to run the school back when Quinn was off having a baby out of wedlock and she was Head Cheerleader, was no longer there. The nerve of that little dwarf to not tell her about the Glee girls meeting. And saying the reason was because she didn't have a boyfriend on the football team. As if she needed a boyfriend to fight her battles for her no, she could hold her own when she needed to.

What was even more unnerving fore her was the way Brittany had been regarding her response about dating Artie. Ugh. All of that day had just been a constant reminder of how she was unable to remain in control of the situation that was her life.

Had she been a better person she would have done something sooner about the Karofsky situation, but there wasn't a whole lot that she could do. She settled with doing what she _could_, but way of her presence. She took to standing nearer to Kurt in the hallway, giving dirty looks to Karofsky whenever he neared the smaller boy. It was only once when she touched Kurt, breaking the strict rule she has set for herself, only touch the people who she could b seen with (not to mention did just didn't _like_ people, why touch them). It was just a quick squeeze on his shoulder as she walked past him. A small smile graced her face, which she would deny later, if asked, as her eyes met puffy ones. She silently willed him to remain strong.

Later that day when the boys were licking their wounds and the girls were fawning over them, Santana scoffed. As if Berry had done anything for Kurt. All Berry cared about was the Glee club. Santana couldn't understand why they thought violence was the solution, violence was the _issue_. She rolled her eyes at everyone in the room, and they thought she was coldhearted.

She was quite happily pretending that she wasn't there in the presence of idiots when one voice stood out to her, "You have no idea how turned on by you I am right now." Her head whipped around quickly, her eyes betraying nothing as she viewed Brittany and Artie before her. It wasn't that Brittany and Artie were dating, though that was sure part of it. Santana didn't trust him further than she could throw him, and while he may have been crippled, and she was strong, she couldn't throw him enough so he would be an acceptable distance away from Brittany.

The whole situation made her feel, something she rarely did (or let herself do). Mostly hurt, ever since Brittany had stopped hanging out with her. She pretended as if they had never had a falling out at all. And that made Santana mad, something that she rarely was in regards to Brittany. Which made her even madder. Mostly because she had let a boy, a stupid, unimportant boy, get in the way of her friendship with Brittany. And maybe it was petty. But she frankly didn't care.

Santana thought that weddings were stupid, spending money you could use for cooler, more useful things. And it's not like commitment was her biggest thing. She didn't need a piece of paper to tell her that she was going to be with Brittany for the rest of her life, for example. To Santana, ever since Brittany had claimed her in second grade, she belonged to Brittany. Through all the stages of their relationship, their friendship remained strong. At least, until this point. Something which she would have refused to think about at any other point. But there was a feeling or emotion that was different here.

There was something about this wedding. Maybe it was the fact that she was singing for it. Maybe because it was a reprieve for everyone, a time then they could celebrate good news. Or maybe, just maybe, it was the way her best friend looking in that dress. The way she nodded off during the vows, though she was trying so desperately to stay awake. She couldn't help but smile softly at Brittany as she nudged her awake.

Her attention was quickly captured by what Carole and Burt were saying, "Words can't describe you. You're everything. And I will love you until they day I die." Santana tensed and blinked rapidly, realization dawning on her as Carole spoke and images of a small feisty Latina girl and a gazelle-like Dutch girl flooded her senses. When Santana flew off the metal slide and on her shoulder, dislocating the bone from the socket. Brittany had flown to her side, it seemed, and reassured her that she would be okay as a teacher came to assess the situation. "You saved me."

_Shit. Shit._ Santana freaked out, her face masked how she was really _feeling_. She thought that she was so in control before. That she knew exactly what she was doing. With Glee, with the Cheerios, with Puck, with _Brittany_. But standing there, she realized that she wasn't after sex (though she did really enjoy it), she just wanted somebody to love her.

Watching the wedding party recess down the aisle shook her to the core. She could have had that. Brittany offered it to her (in less words as they never needed them), and she freaked out. She watched as Brittany pushed Artie towards the back of the church, her eyes lighting with something nearly indescribable as she kissed Artie on the cheek. If Santana couldn't have Brittany, and if Brittany was happy, then Artie needed to understand a few rules: hurt Brittany, and he'll get hurt worse.

Santana looked determined as she linked arms with Puck and walked down the aisle to the hall where the reception would be taking place. Santana could live without love, she had done it for years, with only Brittany loving her, as a friend, though maybe it had been more without her realizing it. So long as Brittany was happy, Santana would stay out of it, she needed her friend more than she needed love, and she never wanted Brittany to be without.


End file.
